If Wishes Were Obfuscation Codes and Other Stories by Malon Edwards
Author:Malon Edwards
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Fireside Fiction Company
Published: 2023-03-15T04:00:00+00:00
When Raf Used to be Ghetto
For about an hour, Iâm genuinely polite to Ms. Edna Mae Hamilton. Sheâd always been my favorite babysitter, even if she smelled a little bit like lanolin. Last week, Mama told me she wanted to stay sharp, so sheâs studying Mandarin. At seventy-five years young today, I say to her, âGo âhead wit your bougie-level grammarinâ!â
Now, some of yâall might think Iâm insulting her or finding fault with her, but thatâs just me exalting her and maybe even forming a cult for her. And for good reason.
When Ms. Edna Mae looked after me, she taught me with exceptional alchemy her mastery of how to scramble eggs with a pinch of salt, pepper, and pure rhapsody. To this day, thatâs the only thing I can cook quite happily, and if I may say so myself, passably.
So, Iâm cool with being at her birthday party, in all actuality. Even when she hugs me and kisses me and tells me how handsome I be, and how I should not tease my four stepsisters, please, and how she will shatter my stepfatherâs knees with a sledgehammer forged beneath all Seven Seas, which she will swing with strength and the greatest of ease, so he better treat my mother like the Queen of All Bees and start by taking her for at least two weeks in Belize.
My stepfather is in the kitchen, so we all know he heard that. But in case he didnât, Ms. Edna Mae will Blurb that. I keep quiet because I donât want to disturb that. Oh, shit, here we go; my stepfather responds and chirps that.
Iâm not ready for Ms. Edna Maeâs TruTell petty, so I go out to the porch where me and my boys can mean-mug stock images for Getty.
What? Donât look at me like Iâm speaking Yeti. We all know they got sat-cams high up over the Serengeti moving around the world seventy-two times faster than the great Mario Andretti.
The first person I see is E. We knock shoulders hard enough to break boulders ensconced wit four-leaf clovers and change the formation of the White Cliffs of Dover.
âSup, yo.â He gives me a pound.
I look around to see who came down for Ms. Edna Maeâs Birthday Get Downâone, two, threeâI frown. They all here, except for that class clown, who been passed down by the Black Gowns since sundown at Fun Town. He know who Iâm talkinâ âbout.
âWhere Reese at?â I ask them.
âTryinâ to get him some pussy,â Big Sherm says, feelinâ no shame to blast him.
âTry is all he gonâ do,â Pretty Boy Blue adds, well on his quest to drag him.
We all laugh. Reese our boy, but that donât mean we canât slag him.
âFrom who?â I ask, genuinely wonderinâ who would shag him. Proâlly that quiet girl who always like to TruTell tag him.
âThat bougie redbone âround the corner on Crandon who parents tryinâ to gentrify The Manor but ainât gettinâ nowhere,â Nate says, anâ pantomime referee-flags him.
âBougie-ass Naëma?â I ask him, tryinâ not to laugh âcause he got bad breath so bad she gonâ have to gas mask him.
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